Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Foot Monster.

I had another restless night of sleep.  I just love staring at the ceiling pretending to count sheep.

That never works for me anyhow.

Somehow it ends up that the sheep are part of the dinner menu on an Anthony Bourdaine No Reservations episode.

So while I was lying there wondering when sleep would return to me, I realized that my feet had managed to become uncovered.  I freaked out and began shifting the blankets back to their intended positions on the bed.

Whew!  That was close.  Could you image what horrors would have had their way with my unsuspecting toes?  I shudder at the very thought. It's all good now though, my feet are safe.

Yeah I know.  Kind of silly huh?  Lyn is afraid of the foot monster.  I mean, come on.  If a Bogey man, or an intruder were to come into the house, the last thing on their fake/or real mind is not going to be "Let's get Lyn's feet."

I don't even remember when it started, this irrational fear of exposed digits.  I'm sure there is some sort of phobia out there dedicated to such a thing.

I think it stems from my fear of the monster under the bed.  I was always terrified of getting out of bed at night, because he'd get my foot for sure and then suck me under the bed never to be heard from again.

To make matters worse, if my cat Zona is sleeping with me and the feet come out, she immediately attacks the big toe on either foot. Yup.  She latches on and "love" bites me.  Could you imagine what this does to an unsuspecting sleeper?  I've been ripped out of many a good dreams by Ms. Zona.

So you see?  I can't win either way.  Either the imaginary monsters are going to get me, or Zona will do it for them.

My only option, besides therapy and locking the cat out of the room, is to sleep with boots on.

Yeah.  That ought to be real comfortable.

Lyn

Saturday, March 20, 2010

True Princess.










My Beautiful son woke me up this morning with a question that blindsided me.

"Are you a true Princess Mom?

"Huh?  Am I a what?"

"You know.  A true Princess."

"Mommy is not a Princess honey.  Not even close."  I grumbled.

"Why?" He asked innocently enough.

"Because I can't sleep on peas." I thought this was a clever response and would stump him enough to walk away.

"You're silly Mommy!  We don't sleep on peas!"

"Yeah.  I know. That's why I can't be a princess."

"Oh.  What if we eat the peas?"

"It doesn't count Zach.  Everybody eats peas."

"Noooo.  Auntie Molly doesn't eat her peas."

"Does't count. Molly is a Queen.  OK. Enough of this princess stuff please."

"OK. Um Mom?"

"Sigh....What?"

"I wish you had a million dollars.  Then you could be a true Princess."

"A million dollars would be handy."

"Well how much money do you have?"

"Not enough honey.  I'm a million dollars short of a million." Hee hee.  That ought to get him.

"Oh. So you're just a poor old Mom then.  Well I'm going to be a true Princess!  And the I'm going to turn into Iron Man and save the world."

"You go do that honey.  This old lady is still tired."

 I didn't want to tell him that I am Queen of this castle, and that makes him my little Prince Charming.  I'm liking the Iron Man idea much better.  Go save the world Zach!  We need more heroes in this world.

Lyn

Monday, February 8, 2010

I have...










I have got me a case of the winter blues.  I've little to no attention span.  I have started several projects, but have no drive to complete any of them.

I have had lots of weird things happen to me, or around me.  I actually was considering if I had lost my mind, or quite possibly losing it in bits and pieces.

I get inspired to write something profound and as quickly as it comes to me it's gone, and replaced with some nonsensical idea that would land me a free meal ticket to a mental institution for a very long time.

My excitement for today is that I have done my taxes.

I seriously need a jump start.

Blah.

Lyn
  

Monday, February 1, 2010

Pain: 6 Degrees of Exasperation.

There are so many different levels and types of pain that I wouldn't know where to begin.  I have been under the care of a pain management team for over five years now due to a car accident.  For that reason alone I deem myself knowledgeable in the pain department. If you disagree, that's cool. Onward we go.

When you are assessed as a patient under pain management care, they have you rate the pain on a scale of 1-10, one being low pain, and ten being extreme.  I actually thought they were joking with me when I first met with them.  Here I am in pain, but you want me to put a number on it?  OK.  So if I understate it I won't recover, but if I overstate it I may do more damage to myself by having them mis-treat me.  

I don't want to put a number on my pain, especially because it changes with circumstance.  Of course I am not going to be in as much pain if I am home reading a book vs. being at work and on my feet for eight hours.   If there is a storm coming, don't bother checking the weather channel, just ask me. I have actually proven Dr. Mel wrong more than a few times.  Sorry Dr. Mel.  Don't worry. You still rock!

That being said, here is my story.

Doctor appointments: A. Must be kept always., B. Arrive on time, or at least 15 minutes early., C. Have waiting rooms filled with annoying people., D. All of the above plus so much more.

The Children's Medical Center is by far the best place to have your child cared for.  Zachary went through his surgery with the great Dr. M. for his tonsils and adenoids. Sure he had loads of complications, but it was not for lack of care.  Zachary bounced back from that after close to 5 days of hell on my part. 

So here I am again.  It's a different location, but one thing remains the same, the waiting room was made for kids. I am a big kid myself, so I don't mind one bit. 

This room was huge, and in three sections. Depending on the purpose for your visit pretty much summed up where you sat.  We were there for a "middle" reason which was great because they had toys.  

Z-man headed straight for the Lego's. 

Mom and I chose chairs closest to the window where I had to do the paperwork.  In front of us stood a child's table and "mini-me" chairs.  You know what I am talking about.  Adult furniture shrunk to fit the wee ones.  To my left I have a set of parents and their adorable baby girl.  To my right I have a lovely young woman and a son a bit older than Z.  I have to give alias' to avoid confusion, and because I feel that the idiots, aka parents, do not deserve my acknowledgement at all, I will stick with "idiots" for them.  The lovely young lady who was so pleasant to my son I will call "Eva".  That's Z's Eva from Wally.

Clipboard in hand and several signatures later I am in a chair doing the routine history required by us every time we go somewhere new.  Zach is playing at the table right in front of me.  Grandma is in the chair to my immediate left, and the idiots are 3 feet diagonal from her. 

"Idiots" put "sweet baby" on the floor.  Aw how cute is that?  Um.  Idiots, my kid has on hard Starter sneakers, and has no clue that your precious is right near his foot. I get a bit tense and ask Z to move to the opposite side of the table.  This is where he meets "Eva". 

"Eva" was very sweet, and I am guessing Indonesian.  It's a compliment.  She was beyond gorgeous. Her actions is what made me think how shallow we are.  How when faced with an uncomfortable situation you either become an "idiot" or perhaps a hero.

They called Zachary.  That's how my pain was about to become this THING that I didn't know existed.  My son's name and a sucker punch of burn and searing pain.

Why? Oh.  That's real simple. Because the "idiots" that heard and saw me move Zachary to the other side of the table for the safety of "sweet baby" and her precious little fingers, they were enjoying her crawling on the floor. Can anyone say eww?

I get up and call Z's name.  He is to my right with Eva.  I go to step forward, and what do you think I see?  Yup. It's "sweet baby" and this all happens so fast I can't really explain it as well as I want to.

I see her and shift my step. In front of me is the chair that Z just left and I tried to maneuver myself but fail miserably.  I connect with the now vacant mini-me chair that Z was using not so long ago, and it hits me.  

I am going down. HARD.

What I see is "sweet baby" so my leg jerks away to avoid hurting her.  The other leg tries to go over the silly little chair, but instead connects and proceeds to take this overly conscious friendly mom and turns me into a screaming pile of creative cursing bitch.  I wasn't bitchy to everyone.  I pretty much hated anyone who touched my legs. You slip and face plant in front of a bunch of people and see if you want to be friendly.

I calmed down after I was told to breathe for the 100th time.  Pain. Oh the pain. All I could say was it burns.  

I can't get a date but I sure had enough Emergency response people present.  Thank you to all who helped me.

It has been 5 days since the Ouch incident.  I really want to thank the "idiots" who never asked if I was OK after the3 whole ordeal was done.  Way to show your daughter that a non-responsive action is best in an emergency you dumb ass. 

I would like to thank Eva and her son (I didn't catch his name), for sticking around even though you were done just to make sure I was OK.

And a huge Thanks to the Nurse who in her time off called me that night to see if I was doing OK as well.  Seriously people .  Think about it.  A nurse on her own time calling someone she doesn't know.  I was in awe.  We cracked a couple of injury jokes and said goodnight.

I HATE PAIN.

But I love people.

Hugs and kisses.

Lyn

Disclaimer: Idiots can be anyone.  If you think that I wrote this about you then you pretty much labeled yourself.   






Sunday, January 24, 2010

He's still got it.

My Duckie still does it for me. Enjoy the video, and the smile inducing flashbacks.



Take care for now.

Lyn

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Bob pulls a Houdini.


Bob the "Evil" hamster was at it again last night.  I am not exactly sure how it went down, but Bob pulled an incredible escape act while I was asleep.

Bob is the cutest hamster ever.  Well of course he is. Duh.  I picked him out.  That's where the problem lies.  I should not be allowed to pick out animals period.  Most people would go in and say "Yeah.  Just gimme that one over there." Done deal.

Me? Nope. "Aw. How cute is he?  Look mom he is walking on his hind legs waving a baton." This is followed by silence. "What? Didn't you see him do the back flip? Whatever.  I'll take that one!"

So.  Mr. Bob got a little tubby and I had to expand his cage with all the cool attachments I could find.  Only the best for my buddy Bob.  His new pad had lots of tubes and hiding holes.  The best feature, however, was the silent hamster wheel. Well, I found out that the only way the wheel can be silent is if your "evil" hamster didn't ram 8oz of wood shavings and hammy treats into the wheel, and then proceed to run a marathon.

OK. Not a problem.  I worked around it. I removed the wheel at night before bed and replaced it in the morning. It was working I swear, but remember Bob is not normal. That is the last time I watch G-force with him in the room.  The cage sits almost 3 feet off the floor, and the wheel gets set on the floor so I can just pop it back on in the morning. All exits in this cage are blocked by cute little bubble tube things with the exception of the ceiling.  Two holes on one side provide for necessities one for water, and the other food.  I have his water tube set in one, but I chose to bowl feed him so he can hoard.  The second hole is blocked by plug (hamster proof HA!) that obviously can be dislodged by el supremo hamstero.

2:55 am and I hear: squeak...squeak...squeak.  What is that?  I thought I took the wheel off.  Does anyone want to figure this one out?  Yes.  Bob had Mission Impossibled himself out of the cage, and then instead of running for the hills, or chewing his way into another room he chose to climb into the wheel that was on the floor.  It wasn't even upright.  It was lying on its side so the dummy had to climb in and run in circles for real. My hamster escaped and he chose to stay close to home and trap himself. Why was this funny two hours ago and not so much now?  Never mind. Bob just started running in his wheel of terror after spitting a mouth full of treats to torture me. Evil hamster!

I love Bob. Sniff.

Take care.

Lyn

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Raise your glasses.



By raise of hands how many of you remember when I lost my glasses last year?  I think I saw two, but then again I am looking at a monitor asking to see hands raised.  If  you noticed the change of profile picture that would be me last year after I received new specs.

It appears that I was destined to repeat my loss again.  I have not said a word for a month now, but I am ticked off.  I loved my glasses.

I have the privilege of visiting the mighty Dr. Fei so he can blast my eyes once again, and tell me my vision sucks.  I jest folks.  Dr Fei rules!  My vision does not.  So, I plan on torturing the LensWear  girl if I get her again. I will ask to try on each and every non-adult frame.  Maybe this time she will realize that I am an adult. If you are scratching your head  wondering what the heck I am talking about stay tuned I will give a full story after I get the new frames. 

Well, I am off for now, but I have to say that I really am honored that the SITS ladies have stopped by to welcome me.  I also find it kind of disturbing that those that normally pop in to say "Hey" have been MIA.

I am the Queen of www-wild weird & wacky,  and I still find it disturbing.

Here is to new specs AGAIN!

Yay me.

Sweet dreams all.

Lyn