Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Foot Monster.

I had another restless night of sleep.  I just love staring at the ceiling pretending to count sheep.

That never works for me anyhow.

Somehow it ends up that the sheep are part of the dinner menu on an Anthony Bourdaine No Reservations episode.

So while I was lying there wondering when sleep would return to me, I realized that my feet had managed to become uncovered.  I freaked out and began shifting the blankets back to their intended positions on the bed.

Whew!  That was close.  Could you image what horrors would have had their way with my unsuspecting toes?  I shudder at the very thought. It's all good now though, my feet are safe.

Yeah I know.  Kind of silly huh?  Lyn is afraid of the foot monster.  I mean, come on.  If a Bogey man, or an intruder were to come into the house, the last thing on their fake/or real mind is not going to be "Let's get Lyn's feet."

I don't even remember when it started, this irrational fear of exposed digits.  I'm sure there is some sort of phobia out there dedicated to such a thing.

I think it stems from my fear of the monster under the bed.  I was always terrified of getting out of bed at night, because he'd get my foot for sure and then suck me under the bed never to be heard from again.

To make matters worse, if my cat Zona is sleeping with me and the feet come out, she immediately attacks the big toe on either foot. Yup.  She latches on and "love" bites me.  Could you imagine what this does to an unsuspecting sleeper?  I've been ripped out of many a good dreams by Ms. Zona.

So you see?  I can't win either way.  Either the imaginary monsters are going to get me, or Zona will do it for them.

My only option, besides therapy and locking the cat out of the room, is to sleep with boots on.

Yeah.  That ought to be real comfortable.


Saturday, March 20, 2010

True Princess.

My Beautiful son woke me up this morning with a question that blindsided me.

"Are you a true Princess Mom?

"Huh?  Am I a what?"

"You know.  A true Princess."

"Mommy is not a Princess honey.  Not even close."  I grumbled.

"Why?" He asked innocently enough.

"Because I can't sleep on peas." I thought this was a clever response and would stump him enough to walk away.

"You're silly Mommy!  We don't sleep on peas!"

"Yeah.  I know. That's why I can't be a princess."

"Oh.  What if we eat the peas?"

"It doesn't count Zach.  Everybody eats peas."

"Noooo.  Auntie Molly doesn't eat her peas."

"Does't count. Molly is a Queen.  OK. Enough of this princess stuff please."

"OK. Um Mom?"


"I wish you had a million dollars.  Then you could be a true Princess."

"A million dollars would be handy."

"Well how much money do you have?"

"Not enough honey.  I'm a million dollars short of a million." Hee hee.  That ought to get him.

"Oh. So you're just a poor old Mom then.  Well I'm going to be a true Princess!  And the I'm going to turn into Iron Man and save the world."

"You go do that honey.  This old lady is still tired."

 I didn't want to tell him that I am Queen of this castle, and that makes him my little Prince Charming.  I'm liking the Iron Man idea much better.  Go save the world Zach!  We need more heroes in this world.