Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Freaks & Frights and Things that go bump in the night will return. I am continuing my search beyond the typical month of October. I have added some other interesting FFT's to my list and may have to change the title. Hmmm. We shall see.
Friday, October 23, 2009
I feel the need for Jumbo Shrimp cocktail. Hmmmm. Now if I can get that delivered with some flowers attached to a handsome delivery man I am golden. Yes I am still dwelling on why men don't send flowers anymore. I guess it would help if I actually had a significant other to send them to me. Ah well. Someone send me flowers dammit!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Image from here.
As defined by Wikipedia: The Banshee (pronounced /ˈbænʃiː/, BAN-shee), from the Irish bean sídhe [bʲæn ˈʃiː] ("woman of the síde" or "woman of the fairy mounds") is a female spirit in Irish mythology, usually seen as an omen of death and a messenger from the Otherworld. Her Scottish counterpart is the bean shìth (also spelled bean-shìdh).
The aos sí (people of the mounds, people of peace) are variously believed to be the survivals of pre-Christian Gaelic deities, spirits of nature, or the ancestors. Some Theosophists and Celtic Christians have referred to the aos sí as "fallen angels". They are commonly referred to in English as "fairies", and the banshee can also be described as a "fairy woman".
I've heard stories about the Banshee many times throughout my life. Whether it was a campfire story, or a friends aunt trying to scare her niece and her little friends with a good old fashion ghost tale, it was mesmerizing. I loved the forewarning as much as the messengers themselves. Depending upon who was weaving the tale (and if said person had a bit too much wine at dinner) then the warning was delivered by any number of sources.
There is the clock that stops at the time of death, the bird that flies through the window or perches on the sill, candles that burn oddly or snuff out without external help such as a breeze, and numerous animals which includes the black dog or hound, but that's a story for a different post.
Even the Banshee has appeared in many forms of disguise. She can be a frighteningly ugly hag, or beautiful woman. Most Irish tales are of her in farming clothes and cloak with long hair, while Scotland lores are of a hag-like washer-woman (bean-nighe). The later could be seen washing the blood stained clothes of those about to die.
In Scotland, the "bean-nighe" or washing woman is seen by travelers around pools or fjords washing the shrouds of those who are about to die, singing a dirge or crying. The bean-nighe will tell for whom she is keening and also the fate of those travelers who would dare to ask her. The bean-nigh is thought to be the ghost of a woman who died in childbirth. The feminine gender of this grieving spirit is a theme found again in the exclusively Irish form of the "bean-si", or banshee. ~~ The Banshee, Celtic Death Messenger by C.Austin
Like her appearance, her trademark wail also varies with location and culture. There is the keening woman wail that is so piercing that it shatters glass (Hey, I can do that with my singing. Cool.). Southwest of Ireland the wail is considered to be somewhat of "low pleasant singing". There is also the reference of her sounding like "two boards being struck together", and my personal favorite, as "a thin, screeching sound somewhere between the wail of a woman and the moan of an owl". (The last one was commonly used by auntie-I-have-a-buzz-lets-freak-out-the-children.)
Why all the wailing and screeching you ask? Well, which version do you want? I'm going to go with the traditional Irish version. Both of my brothers married lovely Irish girls (I'd say lassies, but they'd kick my arse.) so it's fitting. That, and the threat of having to do every version of Banshee known to Mankind, therefore sucking the life out of my non-existent social life (I am an A-lister in my head), has me totally convinced one legend is enough for you folks.
Let's start with "keeners". I have heard of this regardless of the Banshee mythology it stems from. Did you ever go to a funeral or wake, and see the overly weepy woman ready to throw herself on the coffin? I have. Of course it was for real here not staged. There are cultures that believe your status in life was how many and how mournful your grievers were. So basically if you had the means, or "meads" back in the day, you could hire women to weep, wail, cry, sing, and pretty much create the illusion that you were of importance. They actually do this in some foreign countries still today. Hell. We do that here in the States whenever someone you have never heard of, or was two generations before you passes on.
The legendary Irish Banshee wails in close proximity to the home where the soon to be stricken lay. (Yes. I know the other tale of them wailing from a distance to a far removed relative who then makes the journey.)With assistance from my friend Answers.com
'The Banshee,' says D. R. McAnally [in his book Irish Wonders (1888)], 'is really a disembodied soul, that of one who in life was strongly attached to the family, or who had good reason to hate all its members. Thus, in different instances, the Banshee's song may be inspired by different motives. When the Banshee loves those she calls, the song is a low, soft chant giving notice, indeed, of the close proximity of the angel of death, but with a tenderness of tone that reassures the one destined to die and comforts the survivors; rather a welcome than a warning, and having in its tones a thrill of exultation, as though the messenger spirit were bringing glad tidings to him summoned to join the waiting throng of his ancest[o]rs.' To a doomed member of the family of the O'Reardons the Banshee generally appears in the form of a beautiful woman, 'and sings a song so sweetly solemn as to reconcile him to his approaching fate.' But if, during his lifetime, the Banshee was an enemy of the family, the cry is the scream of a fiend, howling with demoniac delight over the coming death agony of another of his foes.'
Wow. Lyn just keeps going & going. Whoops. That would be me.
I found this animated short while hunting today. Give it a click and take a peek. I thought it was cute, informative, and a good way to explain a Banshee without damaging a nieces friends mind.
The Banshee by Ed Bains.
Image from here.
"Who sits upon the heath forlorn,
With robe so free and tresses torn?
Anon she pours a harrowing strain,
And then she sits all mute again!
Now peals the wild funeral cry
And now... it sinks into a sigh."
If you are looking for the post on Ghouls don't worry, I have them coming up soon. I thought for sure I wouldn't find much on the creepy cretins, but no, not them. They have oodles of sites, literature, and movies dedicated to them. So, I had to push them off a bit to give them some breathing room. Ha! I made a funny. Ghouls breathing. As if! Ahem. OK. See ya next time.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes."~ Act IV scene 1 of William Shakespeare's play Macbeth.
I shall return with the next up on my list of Freaks & Frights, and Things that go bump in the night. Tonight I will be covering Banshee's and Ghouls. For some reason they seem to go together. When I think of a Banshee I see a woman/feminine, and for the ghoul I picture a male/masculine.
It also helps that in my twisted thinking it goes with Girls rule and Boys drool. Hey! No making faces. My niece gave me Bunny slippers that have that saying on it. Sage advice I think.
OK. I am off for a bit to get some R&R (I am childless for a few hours).
I'll be back later with either an educational posting on the who, what, and where of both Freaks, or a wildly entertaining piece of drivel. Maybe...I'll mix it up to combine both. Ha! I am so funny. I wrote that as if I had 100 readers all perked and ready to absorb my nonsense (I am in love with my nonsense so don't judge.). This proves I am a dork.
I love me.
Until the next post. **Please feel free to read that line in Baritone**
**Update 7:00 EST. I don't feel good. I am going to bed. I will continue tomorrow.**
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I didn't know what to do, because I knew if I walked away to get something to trap it with it would wander off, and I would be living in fear of it coming out while I was sleeping. Did I mention that it was huge? So I grabbed a can from my arsenal of sprays I had on a nearby counter. Remember when I had the flea problem? Well I had all sorts of sprays from all the fumigating and deodorizing.
Mr. Spider got Windexed, Liosoled, Ferbreezed, Flea sprayed, Bug killer doused, and for good measure Glade powder fresh blasted. You know what? That S.O.B. was still alive. So after screaming bloody murder half the neighborhood banged down my door and whisked me off to safety. Ha! Yeah right. More like, I woke everyone in the house up and my mother trapped the bugger in a cup with a plate while laughing her ass off at my sissy dance.
I don't know what kind of spider that one was, but I did figure out what the one I had photographed in the backyard was. The first photo is what I used to reference my photo and the second was taken by me this past Summer.
Photo from here
Photo by Lyn Hernandez
"Black and Yellow Argiope or "Garden Spider / Banana Spider"
A very large common spider in North America. Usually hangs in webs with its head facing the ground. It is brightly colored. Its venom is a neurotoxin similar to that of the black widow. However, its venom is not near as potent. Its bite causes local pain and redness with blisters forming. This bite usually resolves within 24 hours except for the bite mark."
The one in my room looked more like this:
Photo from here
Photo from here
Once again, I have no clue what kind of spider it was, but that's what it looked like. Those photos are of the Brown Recluse. I don't care what type of spider it is/was so long as it stays out of the house. Did I mention that it was HUGE!
Take care for now.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Lois and I were listening to an excerpt from Percy Jackson and The Lightening Thief by Rick Riordan today. We were at the part where Percy, Annabeth, and Grover find the Lotus Hotel and Casino when we both said it's a trap.
I'm not going to get into the similarities between the two, but if Lois and I both caught on I'm sure others have. She is the one who said Hotel California. I was thinking the Shining. Kidding of course. The Shining was awesome, but the hotel was not inviting initially. Both the Eagles and Rick Riordan tapped into the creepily cordial world of hospitality.
I am all for top notch service, but if the price is to be stuck in a pimped out purgatory for all eternity, I am out. I now have several people banging their heads on walls wondering why. It's simple. I love life. I don't want to be holed up. The part where you can never leave pretty much seals the deal for me. I am not entering thank you very much!
Sadly, I know my son Aaron, who will be reading the book soon, would think it was Heaven, and wonder whether or not a real hotel like that one does actually exist. I am willing to bet that he will goog/bing the place. Sigh.
Just for Git and Shiggles I added the Lyrics. Well, because I like to do that. I want you to see my painful stupidity in not knowing the meaning of a remarkable song. Oh and then there is this wonderful video by Leon. I ask only that you do not have children present if you click the video. Violence leaves marks on our babies minds, and that's a BIG no-no.
OK. Enough of my banter.
The Eagles : Hotel California Lyrics
Songwriters: Felder, Don; Henley, Don; Frey, Glenn Lewis;
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
'Please bring me my wine'
He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,
'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'
The Eagles Hotel California Leon Style
Dave | MySpace Videos
Did ya like it?
Oh. Crap. I am supposed to be blopping (Popping in at blogs.)
Who makes this stuff up?
Love you all.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
OK. Where was I? Oh. Welcome to the next installment of Freaks & Frights and Things that go bump in the night. Just a reminder, my investigations are purely for my own amusement and hopefully yours. Tonight's Freak is El Chupacabra. Hey. Get off the floor. You can roll around laughing after I am done. You over there. Step away from your mouse. OK. I promise to release you all after I am done.
El Chupacabra is by far one of the most exaggerated anomalies in my opinion. But what I say doesn't really matter in the big scheme of things. I just like to think it does. So onward I go.
Image from here
My Heritage is from Puerto Rico. According to my Father "El Chupacabra" is BS. His thoughts on this topic were that it had to be a wild dog. Interesting, considering that the photos/images that have been popping up have been dog like. He also said that I am wasting my time investigating something that doesn't exist. I love you Dad.
Image from here
Is it just me or does this next guy look like an ORK. For those of you who have not seen the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy that looks like an ORK.
Image from here
The Chupacabra is also known as a/the goat sucker. Depending on the version of what you have read it stands six feet tall and stands on two legs or is dog-like in appearance with fangs of a vampire. OK. So I gave the two extremes. I did warn you about this being for my own amusement.
Photo from here
If you just thought to yourself WTF join the club. I saw more photos of the same creature and let me tell you folks: It is not a dog! I am not saying that it is the chupacabra that everyone has been tracking, but it most certainly is not a dog.
The Skeptics Dictionary has a wonderful explanation for you all to ponder. I'd love to continue but I have to go protect the chickens, goats, dogs, cat, goldfish, turtle, birds, and hamster. Oh. Wait a second. Yeesh. What was I thinking. I don't own chickens or a goat. Sigh...
The chupacabra ("goat sucker") is an animal said to be unknown to science and systemically killing animals in places like Puerto Rico, Miami, Nicaragua, Chile, and Mexico. The creature's name originated with the discovery of some dead goats in Puerto Rico with puncture wounds in their necks and their blood allegedly drained. According to UFO Magazine (March/April 1996) there have been more than 2,000 reported cases of animal mutilations in Puerto Rico attributed to the chupacabra.
Puerto Rican authorities maintain that the deaths are due to attacks from groups of stray dogs or other exotic animals, such as the panther, illegally introduced in the island's territory. The director of Puerto Rico's Department of Agriculture Veterinary Services Division, Hector Garcia, has stated that there is nothing unusual or extraordinary about the cases they've observed. One veterinarian said "it could be a human being who belongs to a religious sect, even another animal. It could also be someone who wants to make fun out of the Puerto Rican people."
Like other creatures in the cryptozoologist's barnyard, the chupacabra has been variously described. Some witnesses have seen a small half-alien, half-dinosaur tailless vampire with quills running down its back; others have seen a panther like creature with a long snake-like tongue; still others have seen a hopping animal that leaves a trail of sulfuric stench. Some think it may be a type of dinosaur heretofore unknown. Some are convinced that the wounds on animals whose deaths have been attributed to the chupacabra indicate an alien presence. However, they do not attribute the "mutilations" to the aliens themselves, but to one of their pets or experiments gone awry. Such creatures are known as Anomalous Biological Entities [ABEs] in UFO circles.
Those who think the chupacabra is an ABE also believe that there is a massive government and mass media conspiracy to keep the truth hidden from the people, probably to prevent panic. This view is maintained despite the fact that the President of the Puerto Rico House of Representatives Agricultural Commission, Mr. Juan E. [Kike] Lopez, introduced a resolution asking for an official investigation to clarify the situation. Inside Edition sent a crew to Puerto Rico to investigate the ABE story. They allegedly ridiculed the Mayor of Canavanas, a witness to the chupacabra, and basically made fun of the whole idea.
Jorge Martin, a Puerto Rican journalist who describes himself as a "leading UFO researcher," reports that it has been brought to his attention that the U.S. and Puerto Rican governments have captured two of the creatures. Perhaps there will soon be a film on the ABE autopsy to rival the discredited alien autopsy film. Martin cautions us not to exclude other reasonable possibilities.
The ABEs can also be the product of highly sophisticated genetic manipulations by human agencies. A Chinese-Russian scientist by the name of Dr. Tsian Kanchen, has produced genetic manipulations which have created new species of electronically-crossed plant and animal organisms. Kanchen developed an electronic system whereby he can pick up the bioenergetic field of the DNA of living organisms and transfer it electronically to other living organisms. By these means he has created incredible new breeds of ducks/chickens, with physical characteristics of both species; goats/rabbits, and new breeds of plants such as corn/wheat, peanut/sunflower seeds and cucumber/watermelons. These are produced by linking the genetic data of different living organisms contained in their bioenergetic fields by means of ultra-high frequencies biological linking. If the Russians have created this technology, then without doubt the US and other powers have too. Therefore, it is quite possible that the "Chupacabras" or ABEs could have been developed by humans. [Martin]
Martin goes on to report that a chupacabra has been killed and blood tests have been done on the creature.
The genetic analysis so far has revealed that the blood is in no way compatible with human blood nor with any animal species known to science. The traces ratio of magnesium, phosphorous, calcium and potassium are incompatible with those of normal human blood, they are much too high. The albumen/glouline [RG ratio] was also incompatible. The ratios found do not allow the results of the analysis to be compatible with those of any known animal species.
At present, we can't place the sample with any earthly organism. Therefore it could well be the product of a highly sophisticated genetic manipulation, an organism alien to our own environment or perhaps extraterrestrial. [Martin]
I suppose Martin's work is what passes for responsible journalism on some planets in the universe. On the other hand, the sightings may not be all that accurate, the "mutilations" not all that strange, and the evidence for these bodies, autopsies and blood tests remains little more than speculation for the most part. However, one alleged chupacabra was killed in Nicaragua and was examined by scientists at the Autonomous National University of Nicaragua. When the scientists revealed that the carcass was that of a common dog, they were met with skepticism and derision. Nobody wants to read a story with the headline: Chupacabra turns out to be Chihuahua.
Once again I did not write that lovely piece. Kudos to The Skeptic's Dictionary on exceeding brilliance in their craft.
So this concludes tonights exploration of El Chupacabra. Somehow I have a hard time grasping the idea of the Taco Bell Dog being threatening. OK. I bite my tongue now.
P.S. Yo quiero taco bell!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
It's number three on my tour of Freaks & Frights and Things that go bump in the night. Tonight's subject is Evil or Possessed Dolls. Oh how we love our dolls. It doesn't matter whether you were a boy or a girl. You loved dolls. OK. I will give the men a break here, and say that either they were playing with "Action Figures" or they were mutilating our dolls (my apologies to those that really did play with dolls.) What was your favorite doll? Betsy Wetsy (is that a doll), Barbie, Raggedy Ann or Andy, Cabbage Patch kids(I think they are freaky regardless of possession), or perhaps a Chucky Doll.
Oh my Chucky. How I loved thee. Hopefully you all already know about the red headed freak doll that scared that crap out of everyone (OK. Not everyone.)in the late 80's early 90's. He was a Goth My Buddy doll. I thought he was friggin hilarious, but I guess demon possession of a doll was a bit much for my parents to swallow. Actually It was Dad. He threw it out. But there is a VHS tape of me delivering my son Aaron using Chucky as my focal point out there. I have witnesses. My room seemed to be source of stress relief for the staff.
See how cute he is. Awe.
OK. Maybe some anger management classes and a stylist and he could be OK.
Sigh. Poor Chuckster.
As I have stated before, my investigation is not to be taken seriously. I am hunting purely for my own amusement and hopefully yours.
This sums up the doll possession quite well. Excellent job.
BellaOnline's Paranormal Editor
Guest Author - Kim DeLeary
Many people do not like dolls. Dolls have been reported to be possessed by spirits as a paranormal phenomenon. The possessed doll is a common theme in popular horror movies.
For many of the people who are made uncomfortable by dolls, porcelain dolls can be the most disturbing. Dolls with jointed arms and legs are sometimes reported as being the scariest type of porcelain doll. It is possible that the feeling of being in the presence of an "other" is increased the more closely an object resembles a human being. Some people will turn dolls around so the doll will face the wall instead of into the room, move the doll out of the room entirely, avoid the room with the doll and if possible, will get rid of the doll. People also sometimes report nightmares where a doll or dolls come alive and even aggressive.
Spirit attachment to any object is weird. Among the many types of objects that are reported to be possessed, dolls could be the most frightening possessed object. Theories about the cause of doll possession or spirit attachment include a traumatic event that happened near the doll, a child's emotional attachment to the doll as being comforting and inviting to a nearby spirit, the energy focused on the doll results in the summoning of a spirit, a ghost's continuing attachment to the doll and rarely demonic possession.
It is thought that because the doll is such a weak vehicle for possession that it is not a very desirable object for spirit possession. Some of the types of paranormal phenomena associated with possessed dolls include hearing voices, laughter, crying, cold spots, feelings of being watched the unexplainable movement of the doll and unexplainable movement of furniture or objects near the doll. The doll may be described as having personalities that range from comforting to evil.
Pinocchio is an example of a doll that comes to life in classic literature. This wooden doll is tame compared to some of the other possessed dolls that can be found on television and in feature films. Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone was an early paranormal television series that displayed many stories including ones about a possessed ventriloquist’s doll and an evil talking doll. In Toy Story, the entire box of toys comes alive at night and all the toys have lives of their own, regardless of the quality of their form.
The idea of evilly possessed dolls coming to life is so creepy that that you can find many horror movies that feature them. There is a scary moment in Poltergeist when the clown doll comes to life as an omen for the rest of paranormal activity that escalates in the film. The Chucky films feature a doll possessed of an evil and murderous spirit. In Doll Graveyard, murderous dolls terrorize people in an old house. The movie Magic features a ventriloquist’s evil doll, which attempts to take over a man’s life. In Puppet Master, the evil puppets come to life to commit murder.
The idea of dolls coming to life can be a frightening idea. Tapping into this fear has been a lucrative business for some filmmakers in the horror film industry. The theme of haunted dolls is popular in literature and movies because it is such a naturally scary concept shared by many people.
You guys rock at the Bella Online-The Voice of Women.
Jeepers Creepers where'd you get those peepers? Seriously. These are freaky.
I think they are the same doll but from different views. I need coffee. I have those eyes burnt into my head. Ugh!
That wraps up the 3rd installment of Freaks & Frights and Things that go bump in the night.
Once again, please remember my investigation is purely for my own amusement, hopefully yours, and not to be taken seriously.
Any damage claims regarding snarfing too many snacks & beverages should be differed to management. She, however, is currently ignoring all calls while on a mission to find chocolate.
Sweet Dreams all.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Holy crap. What's that sound I hear? Oh, wait a second that's just silence. This has been a hell of a couple of days.
I was strolling along reading some fabulous blogs on Sunday afternoon and decided I was going to actually seek human contact. I came back to NOTHING! I had lost my connection to the "other" world. This put a huge damper on my investigation. I became more focused on why I couldn't write about crap no one wants to know about,(I had a ninny fit), and less about the reason why the wireless was down. Four hours later it came up and I had to restrain myself from ripping the cord out for spite. (Sigh..it sounds good, but I'd only do it in my head. It's free and no damage control afterward.)
On to my next installment of Freaks & Frights and Things that go bump in the night. Tonight we are going to take a look at Orbs and EVP's. My investigations are purely for my own amusement and hopefully yours. Grab some popcorn and a beverage. I am just as curious as you are. One sec...I need my snacks too.
OK. If you ever want to piss off a scientific person just tell them that Orbs are real. Don't shoot me down just yet. I do believe that orbs are possible. The problem I have is after reading the scientific point I can see how many photo's would be misinterpreted. These are images of nonentity ie. dust, rain.
Photo from here
Photo from here
I see the Orbs, but still not feeling the love. Check this one out.
Photo from here
I want to be serious about this, but doesn't it look like he just dropped a ball. I bet his shorts have a bit more room. Ouch. Dammit Lyn. OK. Moving on.
EVP...Electronic voice phenomena. I have had this happen to me before I even knew what it was. I was recording myself running lines for a play I was in. No one was home
and it was quiet. When I ran the tape back I could hear a kid talking. I could not understand a word of it and at that time I was pissed because I thought maybe my son Aaron had messed with the recorder. The only problem was it was a fresh tape I threw in there.
My son Z's GodMamma Sandy and Cousin Sue are Ghost Hunters or Paranormal Investigator's which ever you'd like to call them. They are the Wicked Bitches of New Haven County. (I will be heading for Alaska after this post for fear of Lyn's Bitchtoberfest.)
Godmamma pointed me to a site that she is a member of CTsoulseekers.com OK. Great music but not so helpful on the EVP. Actually, they do have a section dedicated to EVP, but not what I was hunting for.
Seriously folks. I have found out that hours of searching for voices of dead people make hunters very possessive. I don't blame them. I'd be marking my territory as well if I had to stake out in the dark in creepy locations. Where do you guys pee? And lets just say for instance you have a phobia regarding insects and you are in some hole trying to record and something drops on your head and crawls onto your face. What do you do?
If you came to look for the EVP's I urge you to go search . They are out there. My definition of EVP is Everyone's Very Possessive. Therefore, I am not stomping on the under appreciated Paranormal Investigators/Ghost Hunters toes, or the freshly turned earth that the dead has been laid into.
Kudo's to you all. I will stick to reading with my light on and hope that if someone is trying to contact me from the "other side" you will give me the message.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Screeeeech! Hold on a second I have to drop Jenny off. Thank you for plugging the clown idea in my head. Brrrr.
"Clowns" won the starter spot on my investigation into freaks & frights and things that go bump in the night. My investigation is not to be taken seriously. This is purely for my own amusement and hopefully yours.
It’s official: Children hate clowns. A recent study that quizzed 250 children in a pediatric hospital ward found thatall 250 of them were afraid of the various clown imagery that decorated the wing. As though terminal illness wasn’t enough. Penny Curtis, a professor who worked on the study, is quoted as saying “We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable.”
So what is it about clowns that is so terrifying? We decided to find out. Hence, we’d like to present Best Week Ever’s Top 10 Things That Make Clowns Scary.
10. Big Feet. You know what they say about men with big feet? They have big tendencies to got you in the face while you sleep. They also have gigantic snow white p****es. Gigantic snow white p****es Think about it.
9. All Movies Written About Killer Clowns are Probably Based on True Stories. In all seriousness, there was probably at one time or another a h***in-addicted clown named Shakes who was also, strangely, Bob Goldthwait. And what else happens in Derry, Maine if not for a child-killing clown named It? But perhaps no movie was more scarring to the reputation of clowns than the 1988 classic Killer Klowns from Outer Space, a likely true story about puke-inducing alien clowns with pointy teeth and evil eyes who trap their victims in cotton candy cocoons. If ever a movie scarred my small, child brain at the age of 7, it was KK from OS.
8. Grown Men with Freckles Painted on Their Face is Inherently Terrifying. Enough said.
7. Most Clowns Are Alcoholics and Urinate Everywhere. Tell-tale sign number one that most to all clowns are alkies? They have humongous flame red bulbous noses. Tell-tale sign number two that most clowns are probably hitting the sauce with a green-gloved fist? Wouldn’t you bathe in apple-tinis if your entire life was based around living a paint-faced lie? And as far as urinating everywhere is concerned, I’m pretty sure circuses don’t have working toilets for a reason. Luckily, because clowns sh*t cotton candy, going number 2 behind a Chevy Pick-up is never really much of a problem.
6. Hyuk Hyuk Laughter. Who the f**k laughs like that? Seriously, have you ever heard a normal, mentally sane person emit a laugh that sounds like their starting the engine of a Model T car? No, really, other than Goofy – who is a 6 foot tall animated Disney Dog who wears pants — I’m pretty sure no human being “Hyuk Hyuk”’s their way through an episode of Seinfeld, you read me?
5. They Wear Onesies. What sort of baby infantile diaper-fetish craziness is that all about?
4. Clowns Molest People. If you weren’t aware that clowns molest people, do yourself a favor and add the creepumentary Capturing the Friedmans to you Netflix queue.
3. They Can’t Afford More Than 1 Car. Judging by the clowns mode of transportation — a Volkswagen Bug or Serbian-style two-seater that magically fits the driver and 8,000 of his rainbow-colored pals — it appears that clowns don’t actually earn a real living. They can’t even afford the kind of car homeless drive! Meaning that clowns, for whatever reason, choose to do the devil’s work for pittance. Pittance! Which might go to explain why clowns eat their dinner directly out of the can of baked beans instead of a bowl, and why they sometimes use their hands instead of the classier “wooden spoon”.
2. That Red Paint Around Their Lips? The blood of the elderly. That, or fire-engine red lipstick. Either way, creepskies!
1. John Wayne Gacy, or Clowns Will gotYou and Bury You Under Their House. Killer Klowns from Outer Space aside, John Wayne Gacy is, gigantic inflatable hands down, the scariest thing to ever happen within the clown community. Gacy m****d 33 teenagers in his town and buried 31 of those bodies under his house. And, according to Gacy’s wiki page (Warning: Do not read after 5 PM), “He said he used his clown act as an alter ego, once sardonically saying that ‘A clown can get away with murder.’” (throat clear) A CLOWN CAN GET AWAY WITH MURDER!!!
Honorable Mention: Insane Clown Posse. Terrifying, no doubt. But ever since The Arsenio Hall Show, we just can’t take the word “posse” seriously anymore.
Happy. Sad. I should be fun.
I make the bravest of them run.
I look into your eyes to find
the weakest link into your mind.
I paint my face to smile or frown.
Beware of me I am a clown.
Ironically I found this clown on a hunt for "Happy" clowns!!!!! Pisser...:)