Saturday, October 3, 2009

Send in the Clowns.

Oh boy. Lyn is at it again. Posting stuff that makes no sense except inside her twisted mind.

Screeeeech! Hold on a second I have to drop Jenny off. Thank you for plugging the clown idea in my head. Brrrr.

"Clowns" won the starter spot on my investigation into freaks & frights and things that go bump in the night. My investigation is not to be taken seriously. This is purely for my own amusement and hopefully yours.




When you think of clowns what is the first image to pop into your head? Is it an image or a feeling? Do you get mushy and remember going to the circus with mom & dad? Or is it more like a irrational fear to run as far as you can from the man/woman in face paint? What clown popped into your head when you started reading this?



Coulrophobia is an abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns.

I've had a hard time thinking that clowns are anything but EVIL. OK. So it is my point of view. Maybe you like the freaky haired, overly face painted works of wonder. Me? Nope! Yes I do realize that there are "nice" clowns out there trying to make a living. Good for them. I promise not to be mean should I run into one.

I am not going to sit here and tell you how messed up my little (10 yr. old?) head became when the clown attacked the boy in "Poltergiest", or how I love Stephen King but hate "IT". Don't even get me started on the whole Ronald Mc D thing. Yikes.

I scrounged around for amusing clown sites and hit a few. This one is from Bizarre.com. I'll let the following speak for itself.

It’s official: Children hate clowns. A recent study that quizzed 250 children in a pediatric hospital ward found thatall 250 of them were afraid of the various clown imagery that killer klowns The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scarydecorated the wing. As though terminal illness wasn’t enough. Penny Curtis, a professor who worked on the study, is quoted as saying “We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable.”

So what is it about clowns that is so terrifying? We decided to find out. Hence, we’d like to present Best Week Ever’s Top 10 Things That Make Clowns Scary.

imgad The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scary

10. Big Feet. You know what they say about men with big feet? They have big tendencies to got you in the face while you sleep. They also have gigantic snow white p****es. Gigantic snow white p****es Think about it.

9. All Movies Written About Killer Clowns are Probably Based on True Stories. In all seriousness, there was probably at one time or another a h***in-addicted clown named Shakes who was also, strangely, Bob Goldthwait. And what else happens in Derry, Maine if not for a child-killing clown named It? But perhaps no movie was more scarring to the reputation of clowns than the 1988 classic Killer Klowns from Outer Space, a likely true story about puke-inducing alien clowns with pointy teeth and evil eyes who trap their victims in cotton candy cocoons. If ever a movie scarred my small, child brain at the age of 7, it was KK from OS.

8. Grown Men with Freckles Painted on Their Face is Inherently Terrifying. Enough said.

imgad The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scary

clown grandma The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scary7. Most Clowns Are Alcoholics and Urinate Everywhere. Tell-tale sign number one that most to all clowns are alkies? They have humongous flame red bulbous noses. Tell-tale sign number two that most clowns are probably hitting the sauce with a green-gloved fist? Wouldn’t you bathe in apple-tinis if your entire life was based around living a paint-faced lie? And as far as urinating everywhere is concerned, I’m pretty sure circuses don’t have working toilets for a reason. Luckily, because clowns sh*t cotton candy, going number 2 behind a Chevy Pick-up is never really much of a problem.

6. Hyuk Hyuk Laughter. Who the f**k laughs like that? Seriously, have you ever heard a normal, mentally sane person emit a laugh that sounds like their starting the engine of a Model T car? No, really, other than Goofy – who is a 6 foot tall animated Disney Dog who wears pants — I’m pretty sure no human being “Hyuk Hyuk”’s their way through an episode of Seinfeld, you read me?

5. They Wear Onesies. What sort of baby infantile diaper-fetish craziness is that all about?

imgad The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scaryclown nightmare The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scary

4. Clowns Molest People. If you weren’t aware that clowns molest people, do yourself a favor and add the creepumentary Capturing the Friedmans to you Netflix queue.

3. They Can’t Afford More Than 1 Car. Judging by the clowns mode of transportation — a Volkswagen Bug or Serbian-style two-seater that magically fits the driver and 8,000 of his rainbow-colored pals — it appears that clowns don’t actually earn a real living. They can’t even afford the kind of car homeless drive! Meaning that clowns, for whatever reason, choose to do the devil’s work for pittance. Pittance! Which might go to explain why clowns eat their dinner directly out of the can of baked beans instead of a bowl, and why they sometimes use their hands instead of the classier “wooden spoon”.

2. That Red Paint Around Their Lips? The blood of the elderly. That, or fire-engine red lipstick. Either way, creepskies!

clown gacy The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scary1. John Wayne Gacy, or Clowns Will gotYou and Bury You Under Their House. Killer Klowns from Outer Space aside, John Wayne Gacy is, gigantic inflatable hands down, the scariest thing to ever happen within the clown community. Gacy m****d 33 teenagers in his town and buried 31 of those bodies under his house. And, according to Gacy’s wiki page (Warning: Do not read after 5 PM), “He said he used his clown act as an alter ego, once sardonically saying that ‘A clown can get away with murder.’” (throat clear) A CLOWN CAN GET AWAY WITH MURDER!!!
imgad The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scary
Honorable Mention: Insane Clown Posse.
Terrifying, no doubt. But ever since The Arsenio Hall Show, we just can’t take the word “posse” seriously anymore.



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Happy. Sad. I should be fun.
I make the bravest of them run.
I look into your eyes to find
the weakest link into your mind.
I paint my face to smile or frown.
Beware of me I am a clown.

Lyn Hernandez


Ironically I found this clown on a hunt for "Happy" clowns!!!!! Pisser...:)

Sweet dreams.

Lyn

8 comments:

  1. thank you for linking to me! and I'm glad I could be some inspiration to you...

    you want twisted?

    clowns frighten me... but i love Jokers.

    weird? yes. Don't know why. Jokers make me laugh and clowns make me cry.

    there is a tattoo I want. the comedy/trajedy (happy/sad)faces on my back. preferably my lower back to try and camouflage this horrible surgery scar...that's my excuse now, i've always wanted it there...anyways, i want the treble clef between them and i want joker hats on them with some other symbolism as well...

    its gonna be awesome..expensive but awesome!

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  2. This was a great post. I hate clowns and have always been frightened of them even before you outlined the 10 traits. Now, I might be having nightmares about clowns. Yikes. Great poem as always.

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  3. Clownz are evil! They will eat our brainz!

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  4. I couldn't even finish reading this post because clowns freak me out.

    I was 5 when my aunt convinced my mom that I was old enough for Poltergeist. I still haven't recovered.

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  5. Blaez: My Sista from another Mista. If I keep telling you how great you are "T" is gonna have to enlarge the doorways so your head can fit. It would also cause more probs with your recovery. HEe Hee. I love ya! And thank you for the poem lovin'.

    Peachy: Deb you are such a great force its hard to believe anything could scare you. I picture you in 007 gear blasting away at anything or anyone that got in your way. But I also see the gun being full of KY-Jelly or Honey depending upon the situation. Thank you for being you and the compliment on my poem.

    CatLadyLarew: I am both excited & honored to have you here. I love I can Haz and your Blog Rules. I have a post somewhere about me being a crazy cat lady. I'll have to dig it out.

    Karen: My soldier of Peace. I agree. Clowns are friggin evil. Poltergeist scared me so much that I'd actually start counting whenever lightening struck. And then Mom brings me to her friends house who loves to collect clowns and is wondering why I am freaked out.

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  6. lol I posted a response to you sayin I'll need bacon grease to get my big head outa the door! lol and 2 seconds later I get an email from here saying almost the same... you're reading my mind!!! :D

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  7. scary..i better tell mejis to avoid this one she is terrified of clowns..lol

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