Sunday, August 30, 2009

Z-file-Interpretations gone wrong.

Here is something completely disturbing yet funny in a I-shouldn't-laugh-at-that way.

My sweet dear little boy Z sometimes interprets things too literally. For example, after working all day and then coming home to deal with more exterminating I was on edge. I was extremely irritable, annoyed, and itchy(mostly psychological). I had to keep Z away from me while I was doing my thing for obvious reasons, and had asked him to stay upstairs with Grandma and Aaron.

Well Z missed his Mommy while she was at work and so he really wanted to be with me. Every 5 minutes or so I'd hear the thump, thump, thump, thump of him coming down the stairs. Argh! I'd tell him "no" go back upstairs. When I finally went upstairs to get a drink he latched himself to my leg. "I miss you!" Oh how sweet he is!

I had things I had to take care of so I was up and down the stairs while trying to tell him to stay upstairs. It got really repetitive. On one of my final trips (At this point I am hot, sweaty, and miserable) Z launches himself at me before I can stop him.

OK. That hurt. So I say to him "You need to stop. You are pushing my buttons." and without hesitation he goes to my backside and starts pushing at my butt cheeks. I sighed "What are you doing?" His response..."I'm pushing your Buttons."

All those negative feelings and all the problems I was dealing with just disappeared. Mom & I looked at each other and started laughing. That's my boy.

Please don't think that was the gross part. It wasn't. That was a teaser to prepare you for my little Z's interpretation of things I say. Here is the story of Z and the "water" incident.

It all started out very innocent. I asked Z if he wanted a sandwich and he said yes. I was going to make burgers(he calls them sandwiches). I was not about to fire up the grill for two hamburgers so I decided to pan fry them.

You know the saying about curiosity right? Well, my little man wanted to help. He knows the difference between hot & cold. He knows he should not get to close to the stove EVER, but him being the ever curious he got too close.

A splatter of fat popped and hit him on the lip. Of course it hurt. We all have been splattered at some point. I told him to go to the bathroom and put his face in the water. (This is the code we use after brushing our teeth.) If we run out of those nifty little cups he normally puts his face/mouth directly in the stream of water. That's why this next part is disturbing.

Grandma & I were both in the kitchen when this happened. Her Office is slightly across from the kitchen and the bathroom is across from that room. It's a short zig-zag. So when I said to go put your face in the water I figured he'd do what we always do. Go to the bathroom, turn the faucet on and put his lip under the stream.

Ohhhhh....Noooooo. Not my son. He went straight to Grandma's office and put his face in the 50 gallon fish tank that sits on ground level. Ahhh. No! He gets redirected and he is being a trooper, whimpering but not full blown spasm. He is told bathroom honey, not fish tank. I walk to the kitchen check to make sure food isn't burning and return to the bathroom. So that took what 30 seconds? Guess what Z was doing? Have you figured out the GROSS part yet?

Two adults present and neither thought that he would even consider THAT alternative. My gorgeous Z-man put his face in the toilet!!!! The Toilet!!!! If I were the fainting type of person I would have fallen face first onto the floor. What the? No I was not laughing at the time. My son had just put his face into a toilet bowl. Eww. I don't care how clean you think you are it is still a place of unmentionable grossness.

And so after I got over my O.C.D. germaphobe idiocy I can laugh. My son gave himself a swirly without the swirl.

OK. Tired. Sleep, work, and then repeat cleansing.

It's like hair treatment. Ha!



  1. o my god

    kids are adorable and gross and somehow they can be adorably gross... lol

  2. Oh honey. We do the best we can do with these kids of ours. However, I wouldn't get near his mouth for a kiss until a full Listerine splashing and gargling.

  3. Z rocks!

    Pushing your (butt) "buttons" is something kid's do 24/7 when they aren't driving us mad, and that's tickling our funny bone.

    Not only did he use a fish bowl, but he also went for the toilet. A laugh riot that Z is! Oh my goodness. I would have freaked!